A Changed Life Page 12

  “That’s true Nicolette, but we have someone in common, and you know who I am referring to.”

  “Bailey?”

  “I wasn’t talking about Bailey. Can you meet me?”

  “Yes. I’ll meet you there in an hour.” I had missed Simon’s morning phone call while I was in the shower. I texted back telling him I would see him later. He immediately texted back, questioning why we couldn’t see each other now. I was already regretting my decision to meet Seth, but I was curious on what he might tell me. Simon was disappointed, but I promised to text him the minute I was finished with my errands. My conscience was already attacking me, since I hated keeping things from Simon.

  Simon wanted to spend every spare minute with me that he could. I wanted that too, but I had to split my time with my parents, and my friends. Mom is always telling me that you can give your heart to a boy, but don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of love.

  Losing myself? I was way past that. I was beginning to understand her advice more and more. I was so in love with Simon that I would do anything to protect him from getting hurt.

  When I arrived to see Seth, he was waiting for me in the same booth I had shared with Simon. My stomach ached with regret. A part of me wanted to turn around and run, but I managed to gather enough courage to hear Seth out.

  Seth notices me approaching the booth, and walks out to greet me. “Thanks for meeting me. I slide into the booth. Can I order you anything?” Seth had asked me.

  “No, thank you Seth… why am I here?” I asked.

  “I wanted to explain a few things to you. Michael and Bailey don’t know that I called you. I know Michael has been coming on quite strong with you. He has it in his head that he loves you, and you love him, when you and I both know that’s not true.

  He has been my best friend since we were seven years old, and he’s been through a lot Nicolette. His mom died of breast cancer when he was fourteen. Michael wasn’t always like how he is now. Michael at one time was this outgoing, fun-to-be-around person, but after losing his mom to cancer, and watching her slip away a little more each day, it just consumed him.

  When she finally died, I think a piece of him went with her. His father ignored him; he was mostly left on his own after that. Nicolette, you see how we live. We have money, cars, anything we want, we usually get. Not all of us in our group act so forthright, but most of them do, like Michael. This is why he is so forward with everything, because he knows no other way.”

  “Seth, losing a parent at a young age can be traumatizing for any one. I hope I don’t have to experience that for a long time to come, but what does this have to do with me? I can’t imagine how Michael felt when his mother had died. That’s terribly sad, but again where do I fit in to this?”

  “I just wanted to explain a few things to you about him, that’s all Nicolette.”

  “Ok tell me this Seth, why does he love me? What makes me so unique?”

  “Are you sure you want to know the truth Nicolette?”

  “That’s why I’m here Seth.”

  “I think you remind him of his mother Nicolette. You have beauty; grace and anyone can see your kindness.”

  No, no, no. This is the last thing I want to hear. “You’re wrong Seth. Michael’s feelings for me have to run deeper than me reminding him of his mom. Michael is just too arrogant for his own good, and his ego took a beating when I said I wouldn’t go out with him.”

  “If that were true, Nicolette, he would have moved on by now. He hasn’t dated or slept with anyone at all, and you are on his mind 24/7. Most things come easy for Michael, he never had a challenge he couldn’t overcome. You… Nicolette, are the exception. To be Clayton St. Clair’s son, now that’s a whole different story.”

  “I don’t want to be anyone’s challenge or exception. I want him to leave me alone and stay out of my life. What happened with Jennifer? Did she remind Michael of his mom, too?”

  Seth sighing, “Jennifer was a distraction, nothing more. Jennifer pursued Michael first. I’m sure Simon wants to believe that his girlfriend was pure, and innocent, but believe me she wasn’t. What happened to her on that night was not his fault, but he surely paid for it.

  Michael, began drinking heavily and getting into trouble. I tried my best to help him work through his problems. His father sent him away, and forced him into therapy. Clayton was afraid that Michael would tarnish his name and reputation. Michael fought and rebelled every step of the way. When he returned home, his father had made arrangements to have him transfer to another college, but Michael refused. He promised his father he would do better and had learned from his mistakes.”

  “Well obviously that was bull shit, Seth. How did Bailey fall into Michael’s grand plan of getting me to the frat house that night?” Seth looked sickly at this point, with all that he had already admitted, but he carried on with his story nonetheless.

  “I like Bailey, and Michael knew this. Once he found out that she was a friend of yours, he asked me to ask her to invite you. Michael wanted to have some alone time with you, and when you refused, he flipped out. Michael kept saying over and over again, that all he wanted was to talk without you running away from him. I finally understood what Michael was doing, so I confessed my duplicity in this ruse, and Bailey refused to come to the party.”

  “He hurt me Seth. He scares me, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “Michael can be intense Nicolette, but I don’t think he wants to hurt you.”

  “You don’t know that Seth, neither do I. I have witnessed firsthand, how intense he can be. His eyes have the ability to burn right through me. That alone makes me want to run as fast as I can.”

  “I’m sorry Nicolette. I truly am, but I felt I needed to be as honest as I could. What you do with this information is up to you.” I was left alone with my thoughts and everything I had just heard from Seth. Seth’s story burned into my memory, my head was beginning to throb, and I was confused. What if this was another trick by Michael? Seth was sincere when he was talking to me about him, I didn’t doubt him at the time, but now I’m just not sure. I dropped my head in my hands, and tried to soothe my headache. I didn’t even notice that Simon had been standing right in front of me.

  Startling me with the accusatory attitude in his voice. “Hey babe, what are you doing here?” I peeked up to see Simon standing over me, and not a happy boyfriend. “Was that Seth McCarter I saw you talking to?”

  With already a pounding headache, I didn’t want to fight with Simon. I had the perfect opportunity to explain all to Simon, but deciding against it, I remained quiet, and once again lied to Simon. I felt sick to my stomach, this is not who I was, but yet when I went to speak, the lie easily rolled off my tongue. I believed I was doing the right thing.

  “Yes, it was Seth. After my errands, I stopped by to get a juice, and he stopped by to say hi.” Simon seemed to relax with the answer I had given him.

  “Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to question you. Seeing you with him surprised me, since I didn’t think you knew him that well.”

  “I actually don’t Simon. Today was my first time seeing him since July.”

  “Enough about him, now that I have you here, let me give you a proper hello.” Simon slid into next to me and pulled me to his chest. Crashing his lips down on mine, as if he was hungry for me. I was beginning to feel a bit embarrassed by his display of affection, but he didn’t care who was watching. Pulling me out of the booth, and right into his muscled chest. “Come on, baby, let's go. I have my bike outside. We can take a ride and hit the beach.”

  “I have my car here, let me bring it home, and then we can go.”

  Running his fingers through his hair, Simon looked frustrated. “Nicolette, we’ve already lost half the day. We can leave the car here, and get it later. I want to spend some time with you. We can grab some food and bring it back to my cabana. I have the key, and we can be alone.”

  I hated to see what I was doing to Simon. I felt my fear strangling me.
I wanted so much to tell him the truth, but again I was afraid and only wanted to protect him.

  I remained firm and stood my ground. “Can I follow you to the beach?” I asked him. Watching the muscles tighten in his jaw, he said yes, but clearly showing me he wasn’t happy.

  The Paulson’s cabana was beautifully decorated, and private enough for us to have some time together. Simon plugged in his I pod, and asked me to dance with him. I was blushing, and he loved when I did that. Simon held me in his arms, and our bodies swayed back and forth while he whispered in my ear and ran soft kisses down my neck.

  He felt incredible next to me, why couldn’t I trust him enough to talk to him about Michael? I was afraid on how he would react. Knowing his history with Michael was holding me back.

  “You are so quiet, baby. What’s going through that pretty little head right now?”

  “I’m just happy Simon, I love dancing with you. You always make me feel special and wanted.”

  “Nicolette, you are special to me, I can’t even begin to show how much I love, and want you.” Still holding me in his arms, I knew what Simon had meant, he didn’t need to say the words to me. I already knew he wanted to make love to me, and be my first.

  Our bodies swayed back and forth to the soulful sounds of Norah Jones. Simon, softly kissing and leaving love bites along my neck. Closing my eyes, I was lost in him. Savoring every feeling, every stroke of his tongue on my hot skin. In one swift move, Simon lifted me into his arms and carried me over to the couch. My heart began to accelerate while my mind raced with what Simon was going to do next. “Open your eyes baby. Nicolette, do you trust me?”

  Of course I do. Slowly letting out my breath, I looked up at Simon.

  “Yes.”

  Without another word spoken, Simon began to unbutton my blouse and run his hands over my lacy bra. “So beautiful” he said as he kissed my covered breasts. Pulling me up, he slid my blouse off and unclasped my bra, tossing them both to the floor. My upper body was completely exposed to him, as his eyes perused over my naked chest. “You are so beautiful Nicolette. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I just want to see and touch what’s mine. Oh my…touch away. I reached for Simon and pulled him down onto my body. Kissing and teasing his mouth with my tongue, while feeling his hard length rub against me. Pools of wetness soaked my panties, my body answering for me. Simon sat up on his knees, pulling his shirt off, exposing his muscled tanned skin. I wanted to touch and kiss every inch of him, especially his sculpted V muscle. I reached for his waist and he playfully grabbed my hands.

  “No baby. Tonight is for you, let me love you.” Lying back down onto the couch, I lifted my pelvis for Simon to easily slide down my shorts and panties. Parting my knees with his strong deft hands, I lay open for him to explore my body. “Keep your eyes open for me, Nicolette. I want you to watch as I make you come. Holy shit! This is it.

  I was squirming with the anticipation. I completely trusted Simon with my body. If anything I was too excited. I have been fantasizing about this moment for a while now.

  “Lie still, baby.” Dropping his head down between my legs he penetrated my folds with his tongue. Next he slid one finger in as my body came undone. I gripped the sides of Simon’s head pushing him further into me as a blinding sensation pulsed through me. I could hold on no more, and with one last flick of his tongue, I exploded screaming his name from the most intense and exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced.

  Simon held me close to his body, placing his forehead onto mine. Never taking his eyes off of me, he was smiling. You could see his happiness all over his beautiful face.

  “Thank you, baby, for sharing your body and letting me do that with you. I love how you respond to me. You can’t even imagine how much it meant for me to do that with you. I love you so much, baby, I thank God every day for bringing you to me.”

  Simon had me wrapped around his body like a vine. Holding me in his arms, we were simply loving each other. Simon had kept his shorts on never pressuring me to go further. I could feel his erection while his body was pressed into mine. Without a doubt in my mind, I wanted to make love to him, and for Simon to be my first and only. Simon had drifted into sleep while I lay awake in his arms. This was where I belonged, with Simon.

  He has shown me how much he loves and wants me every day since the day we decided to be together. Tears were beginning to stream down my cheeks, as pangs of guilt over keeping secrets raked through my conscience. Very carefully, I tried to move out from under Simon’s heavy arms, but his eyes blinked opened. Seeing the tears in my eyes, he looked panicked.

  Sitting up and reaching for me to lay back down with him. “What’s wrong baby? He asked as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t speak, I just silently cried. “Are you regretting what we did? I could feel Simon’s muscles tense up around me. I shook my head no.

  “Then what’s wrong baby? Why the tears? I don’t ever want to pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready for. I thought we could try this first, and then move onto the next step.” Getting up off the couch, with his back to me, Simon paced in front of the fireplace. “God! I must sound like a dick? This is not coming out right. I’m sorry Nicolette.”

  Wiping my tears away, I join him by the fireplace and reach for his hands. “Simon, you didn’t do anything wrong. I loved what you did to me, very much I might add.”

  Pulling me into his chest. “Oh thank god, you had me worried Nicolette when you started to cry. Holding me in his arms, if I were to look up at him now, I was sure to lose it. I placed a kiss on his naked chest and turned away from him. I quickly gathered my clothes off the floor. Simon was at my side in a second. I must have been confusing him with my actions.

  “Talk to me Nicolette, why are you getting dressed? I can feel something is wrong. If you’re not mad then you need to talk to me, and tell me what’s bothering you. I’m not going to let you just pull away from me. Turning me around, he cupped my face and kissed me. “Please baby, what’s wrong?”

  “I have my reasons Simon, and I don’t want to hurt you with them.” Simon sighs.

  “Nicolette, the only way you can hurt me is by leaving me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, just tell me and trust me to listen.” With strength and courage, I put my faith into Simon’s heartfelt words as he patiently waited for me to open up to him.

  “Michael.”

  With just the mention of his name, Simon gives me an incredulous look, as if I just punched him in the stomach. I wasn’t sure what was going through Simon’s mind, but he ran his fingers through his hair, a clear sign he was frustrated.

  “Simon, there are some things you don’t know, and if you give me the chance to explain, I will tell you everything.”

  “Nicolette, there shouldn’t be anything you have to tell me about Michael, because you gave me your word that you wouldn’t speak or see him ever again.”

  “Simon, please let me explain.”

  “Nicolette, have you seen him or not?” Simon demanded.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “No, it’s a straightforward yes or no answer. What is it Nicolette?” Not waiting for me to answer his question, Simon turned away from me and gripped the mantle of the fireplace. His actions were showing me how much I have hurt him. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I was trying to prevent this very act from happening. Hanging his head down and still gripping the corners of the mantel.

  “You lied to me, Nicolette, why? Have you been seeing Michael this whole time? Behind my back? I bet Michael loves this. God! I feel so betrayed.”

  No! This is the last thing I want Simon to think.

  “Simon, you’re wrong. I am asking you to please calm down and listen to me. I know you must be confused, but if you would just hear me out like you promised you would, you’ll understand. I haven’t betrayed you, and I would never cheat on you. How can you even think that? I haven’t been seeing Michael or talking with him. Michael sought me out… again! Someh
ow he’s been getting notes to me, packages. He’s everywhere I am. The night of my birthday party, he was there having dinner with friends, or so he claims. He cornered me when I was alone. I told him he was out of his mind if he actually believed that I would leave you for him. Over and over again, I told him how much I love you, and would never be his”

  “Then why keep this from me? Your birthday was weeks ago, why couldn’t you have told me then? This is why I’m hurt, Nicolette. You know how I feel about Michael, and you didn’t come to and tell me that he was coming around you again. Nicolette, I warned you to tell me right away if he ever bothered you, especially when I wasn’t with you. You kept this from me, and I don’t understand why.”

  Pleading with Simon to make him understand. “I couldn’t tell you Simon. I was so confused, and I didn’t want to cause you or my parents any stress. I never wanted to cause you any pain, and I thought if I just ignored him, he would eventually give up and leave me alone.”

  “Has he Nicolette? The Michael I know is relentless and will not stop until he gets what he wants.”

  “Simon, he can try and try, but it doesn’t mean he gets to have me. I’m yours Simon, I love you.” Simon still wasn’t looking at me. I tried to wrap my arms around his waist, but he jerked back away from my touch. I felt like my heart was going to shatter at any moment.

  I tried to calm myself, but my tears kept falling. How could this be happening, after all we have shared?

  “I can’t go through this again; I won’t have another Jennifer in my life!”

  “What?”

  “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “Well I said it, and it’s totally true. You are behaving exactly how he wants you to.” Raising his voice, “I trusted you, Nicolette. I fucking trusted you to be honest with me. I can’t believe this is happening to me again.”

  He’s not the only one that can scream and curse. Grabbing him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at me. “Simon, I trusted you too. You promised you would listen and be there for me. Is this how it’s going to be with us? I tell you something that you don’t want to hear, and you go off on me? I never asked for this, and I sure as hell didn’t want attention from Michael. I just didn’t know what to do. That is the truth Simon, I was trying to work this out on my own without anyone getting hurt.”