A Changed Life Page 20

  Dr. Jonas came in a short while later, and told me the news I had expected to hear. I was pregnant with Michael’s child. A child that was created from an act of violence, the brutality of it all made my heart and body numb. I had no tears, just the feeling of complete numbness. Looking to my right, my dad was in a state of shock. Uncle Jack was silent after hearing the news. He walked out of my room and my father followed. I was alone with my harsh reality.

  “That son of a bitch has to die Mason. He has to die right now!” Uncle Jack gritted through his teeth.

  “You have to calm down, Jack. You can’t talk this way, and he’s in jail where he belongs.”

  “You just don’t get it Mason. This animal raped our daughter, and now she’s pregnant. We thought her life was forever changed with the rape, and now being pregnant with that pig’s child? It makes me sick, Mason. What is going to happen to Nicolette now? She has to get rid of it, and it has to be done as soon as possible.”

  I heard every word Uncle Jack said to my father. This was not the uncle that I loved. He didn’t even sound the same. I called the nurse in right away, and she asked me what was wrong. I told her to disconnect my IV, and she said no. I was admitted for the night on Dr. Jonas orders. I didn’t care what my chart said. I was an adult, and I was making a decision for me. I demanded the nurse to listen to me. “Look, I need to get the hell out of here, now. If you don’t remove this IV, I will rip it out of my arm myself.”

  She paged Dr. Jonas and she came in right away. “What’s wrong, Nicolette what has you so irritated?”

  “I need to get out of here, I can’t be here.” I began to breath fast and my heart began to race. She was checking my pulse as beads of sweat covered my forehead. “Dr. Jonas, please listen to me. I feel like the walls are closing in on me, and I’m suffocating. I can’t be here”

  “It’s ok Nicolette, take some deep breaths.” While I was focusing on my breathing, she injected something into my IV, and I slowly closed my eyes. When I came out of my sedated slumber, I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful blue eyes staring back at me. Simon was here by my side. My world returned to right every time he looked at me. Suddenly remembering why I was here, I jerked my hand back.

  Simon calmed me, and told me that he knows about the baby. My mom had filled him in before visiting with me. I felt ugly. I couldn’t even look at him.

  Lifting my chin toward him, all I could see when I looked at Simon was love that he had for me. “Hey, don’t hide from me, baby. You know I can’t take it when you refuse to talk to me. I am telling you to trust me, and not run. We will get through this, I promise.” Simon held onto my hands with a death grip.

  “Simon, how could you sit here and want me after everything I have put you through? Why Simon? I just don’t understand.”

  “Nicolette, I swear you are the most exasperating woman I have met in my life. I am so sick and tired of hearing you blame yourself. You are acting like you asked for this to happen to you. Why are you blaming yourself for the pain you seem to think you are responsible for causing? Nicolette, you have to stop this, it’s not your fault. I will admit, it is tearing me apart every time you behave this way. I love you so much, and I know you better than you think I do. Please don’t let him occupy any more space in that beautiful head of yours.”

  I didn’t want to be angry with her, but she just frustrated me so much. Here she is in the hospital, again, and wanting to shut me out. I have spent weeks now trying to convince Nicolette that I will not leave her, no matter what. I have to calm down for her sake. She is in such a fragile state, and if I say the wrong thing, she could be shattered. I am not going to be the one to do that to her. “I’m sorry Simon,” she repeatedly kept telling me. I finally just slammed my mouth onto to her perfect lips, and kissed her until she was out of breath.

  I didn’t mean to be so forceful with her, but I just didn’t know what else to do. I felt like I was going to explode from hearing her apologies. Doesn’t she know none of this is her fault?

  “Nicolette, look at me. I didn’t know how she would react to me kissing her in that way. Nicolette didn’t look afraid, in fact, she looked almost relieved. Did I hurt you baby?” My girl still wasn’t talking. She just smiled, and shook her head no. I could breathe again.

  She confessed she has been waiting for me to kiss her like that again. I had always been passionate in the way I kissed her and she always loved it.

  It was easy to get carried away with Nicolette. We had so much fire between us, and we both felt it every time we touched each other. No matter what Nicolette said to me, it was my turn to say sorry. I never want her to feel like I was pressuring her to anything she’s not ready for, especially after everything she has been through. She didn’t care, and begged me to kiss her again.

  I cupped her face and said. “I know what you are doing, Nicolette.” She smiled back at me. I swear that smile can take me down to my knees. “Baby, I feel my soul is connected with yours, and I love you. I’m telling you that I am not leaving you, not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.” She was silent as she was listening to every word I had just said to her. I didn’t need any verbal communication, just her touch and I would know. I pulled her to my chest, as her body instantly calmed. I held her and simply just loved her.

  Her discharge papers had already been taken care of, so I left Nicolette to get dressed. Her parents and uncle were in the waiting room discussing Nicolette, and what to do about the baby. They stopped talking when I entered the room. I knew I should have been more respectful, but I couldn’t help myself. Here were the three of them again speaking for her, thinking up their own solutions to Nicolette’s problems without even asking her what she wanted.

  I said, “Please don’t stop on my account.” Mason rose from his seat to put his hand on my shoulder. “Simon this doesn’t concern you. Please son, just stay out of it.”

  “The hell it doesn’t, Mr. Vanelle. Your daughter is my whole world, and anything that involves her, involves me, Sir.” I wasn’t sure how they would react to my boldness, but it appeared that her uncle was actually agreeing with me.

  Her mom asked me to sit down, and I reluctantly did so I could hear her out. “Simon, we know how much you care about Nicolette, believe me, I do. I just don’t think you actually have considered how this all affects you and your future. I have spoken to your parents, and I know about the full scholarship you have received to attend Northwestern University.”

  “I’m not taking it Mrs. Vanelle. I never planned on attending Northwestern. I plan on attending school here in California. I’m staying with Nicolette, leaving her is not an option. It doesn’t matter where I attend school, as long as I’m with Nicolette. My father would like me to attend Northwestern, but I never agreed on going. California University has everything I need, and with mom at the helm of the school, it’s even better.

  “Simon, all of your decisions that you make cannot revolve solely on Nicolette. You have worked incredibly hard in school; do you know what it is to be given the gift you have received? Not too many students are given the opportunity you have been given. It is an honor, and you should be very proud of yourself. Your mom tells me that you may even be valedictorian for this year’s graduating class.”

  “Mrs. Vanelle, with all due respect, this is not your business, and I don’t need you to be concerned about my future academics. I will decide what is best for me and my future. It’s not just about me anymore, I have Nicolette to consider.”

  “What about the baby? Are you prepared to raise this child on your own? Simon you and, Nicolette are very young. How can you be so certain of anything at this point?” Christina continued to question me. I was done with the Q&A segment of this conversation. I stood up and faced all three of them, and said with my most honest plea.

  “I love Nicolette. Your daughter is my heart and soul. I knew from the first day my eyes met hers that she was the one for me. I can’t change what happened to her, and the pain Michael inflicted on h
er. I pray each day that she continues to heal in mind and body. As long as we are together, we can overcome anything. Whatever Nicolette decides to do about this child, I will stand by her, and give her my unconditional support. I say this because it’s simply how I feel, and I don’t expect you to believe me.”

  “Hey I’m only nineteen years old, right? I have had my share of heart ache and pain. I know and understand what love is. I have found love with your daughter, and I plan on including her in my future. All I see when I look at her, not me alone, not her alone. I see a ‘we’. I am asking you to please respect our relationship and give us your blessing. It will make things easier for Nicolette to know she has her family’s support.”

  I felt Nicolette before I even turned around. She was standing there with a shy smile on her face, and I turned from her parents, and greeted her with my waiting arms.

  “Are you ready to go”? I asked her. She nodded in response, and we left. Her parents and Uncle Jack stood there in silence, and watched us walk away.

  “I love you, Simon. Thank you for standing up for me.” I whispered to him, as he led me away from my family. After listening to Simon talking with my family, it was clear how they felt. They were broken hearted that I was pregnant, and they expected me to get an abortion. I was only told this news hours ago, and they were already planning as though I was scheduled for a procedure to take care of my problem. Never giving me a chance to process what I had been told.

  Simon led me to his jeep, and helped me inside. He was so careful the way he handled me. It was late Tuesday morning, and we had already missed our morning classes. I imagined Simon’s coach was furious that he missed morning practices. I had asked Simon to drop me home, so he could return to school. “Absolutely not, Nicolette. Don’t worry about my coach, I already spoke to him, and promised I would work out with the team this evening.” I felt instantly better. Classes have resumed for our next semester. This week our teachers were only going to review what we have already learned. I had been all caught up with my work. Simon didn’t have any issues with missing school today.

  Simon texted our friends, simply telling them we were taking a fun day. He did that, so they wouldn’t worry. God knows they have spent the last few weeks of the holidays, and vacation worrying about me. I didn’t want to cause any more stress for my friends who have become like my second family.

  Simon said he had a surprise for me, and wanted to show me right away. I was getting excited for what he had in store for me. We stopped for a late breakfast, and then took a walk along the beach, not our regular spot. This was down a bit, and more private. My curiosity was peeked when he asked me to close my eyes, but I complied and smiled.

  He led me up a small flight of stairs, and then onto another twelve steps or so. We walked through a pair of French doors, and he instructed me to open my eyes. I was standing in an open living room surrounded by floor to ceiling windows. The sun was shining through while the ocean crashed in the background.

  This home took my breath away, and I felt I was looking at something featured in a home magazine. I turned to Simon, and asked. “Who owns this beach house?” He gave me his sexy wink that I just adore, and he replied. “I do.”

  Wow! Stunned into silence. I couldn’t find my voice to even respond to what he just told me. Simon laughed, and waited for me to catch my breath. I needed to sit down. He sat beside me and explained. “Baby, this home belonged to my mother’s sister, my Aunt Grace. She lived here until her death two years ago. My aunt was an artist, and painting was her true passion. Never creating her own original masterpiece, she filled this home with works of art she always loved. As you know, my family and I are originally from Colorado, but my mom and her family were California natives. While my mom was attending college back in Boulder, she met my father there. They fell in love, finished school, married, and started their family. Settling in with her new life in Colorado, my mom one day wanted to return to California.”

  “My grandparents are deceased, and my mom only had Aunt Grace. When she got sick with Breast Cancer, my mom knew where she needed to be. By then my brothers were settled up at school, so we made the move here. My mom only had a few months with her sister before she died. My aunt had left her entire estate for me and my brothers. They spilt the cash, and I got this house. I always loved the beach, and my aunt did as well, which is why we were exceptionally close. I spent many summers here before actually moving to California.”

  I walked around the spacious room admiring all of the beautiful art that hung on the white walls, thinking this home was beautiful. I could feel Simon’s aunt in here, making this room warm and inviting. I turned to look at him, and he wore a concerned look, not knowing what I would say.

  “Why did you bring me here today, Simon?” Simon reached for my hands, and looked deep into my eyes. I felt like I was being hypnotized by his ocean blue eyes. He simply is beautiful to look at.

  “I wanted you to be open to the possibility of living here with me, and sharing this home with me as my wife.”

  “Holy shit! What did you say?” I almost fell over with what he just said. Thank goodness Simon was holding me, or I would have.

  “Nicolette, before you over think this, please hear me out.” I sat back down giving him my undivided attention. “Our parents have many things in common. One of them is feeling the need to plan our lives as they see fit. My dad would like me to go into law to follow in his footsteps, but my mom would like me to go into education. I want neither of those chosen careers. It’s true; I have received a scholarship to attend Northwestern, where my brothers are. I want to remain here in California, and become a Marine Biologist. It has always been my passion, and I love the water. Preserving our oceans and marine life is my passion… well career wise.” He winked.

  “Aunt Grace was my biggest advocate when it came to pursuing my dreams. She always argued with my mom about allowing me to make my own decisions for my future. Mom and dad set up a plan for my brothers, and one for me. My brothers complied, and I rebelled. My whole perspective changed when I met you Nicolette. You were like the missing piece to a puzzle that I had been searching for, and then I found you. I can’t even begin to explain how I have envisioned our future together. No matter what happens, we have to stay together. I don’t want anyone else, because you Nicolette, are my puzzle piece. We have been connected from the first day we met. Please… say something Nicolette. I need you to breathe, and tell me what you are feeling, and not thinking.”

  Holding my head in my hands and not looking at him. “I don’t want to hurt you, Simon.”

  “What do you mean baby?” He started to look worried when I turned away from him. “I love you Simon, you know I do. I can’t be with you in the way you want to be with me. Look what I have done to you. I don’t think you realize what you are sacrificing by being with me. Once you seriously think things through, you will figure out I’m not worth it. You will find someone worthy of your love and forget about me.”

  “Nicolette, I know what you are doing, and for the last time it’s not going to work.” Simon was hurt, and I was the cause of his pain. I started to walk toward the door, and he pulled me back. I’m not going to let you walk out this time. I know exactly what I want, and who I want. It’s you, Nicolette Elizabeth Vanelle! I see the girl before me that I love, and who I want to share my life with. None of that can happen unless you trust me unconditionally. Nicolette, I’m asking you, do you trust me? You have to be honest with me, no matter what.”

  I couldn’t look at Simon. He had the power of seeing through the window of my soul. If he looks at me now, I’m going to shatter. “Nicolette,” his voice rose higher. Please answer my question. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes, Simon. I trust you.”

  Simon crashed his lips onto mine, and ran his tongue up and down my neck with heated want. I was undeniably in love with this man, and there was no more doubt. Simon was willing to offer me the world. Anything I wanted, and the first test of our re
lationship, I was willing to throw it all back at him. My fear was holding me back, not my love for Simon. In the short time we have known each other, Simon knew me inside and out. I trusted Simon completely. It was time to break down my walls, and finally believe in what I have known all along.

  We kissed and kissed, and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and cherished me. I said those words back to him. Simon deserved nothing less from me. We finally pulled away from each other, and I wanted to make love to him. I could feel his want for me, and we both knew I was not ready for the next step. I was still recovering from my attack. My physical injuries were still visible, and still had a long way to go. I never was scared of Simon’s touch, even after the rape. He was the only one that truly could comfort me.

  “Are we ok now?” Simon playfully asked me. “Yes, we are.” I replied back with a smile before the reality of today settled in.

  “We have so much to talk about Simon. I’m pregnant with Michael’s baby, and I can’t even fathom what to do about this.”

  “How do you feel about being pregnant?”

  “I’m eighteen years old, Simon. I never wanted this for me. I also didn’t expect to be raped. This baby deserves so much more than what I could give him or her. If I keep this baby, he or she will be a constant reminder of Michael, and what he did to me. How is that fair for the child?”

  “It’s not fair, Nicolette. Children should always come from love. If you look at it from another way, maybe it will help you come to a decision. I agree with you that this baby was not conceived in a manner it should have been. What Michael did was selfish and cruel. He never for one second took in account how his actions would change your life. When I look at you, Nicolette, all I see is a remarkable young woman, who is incredibly strong and full of life. You have so much love in your heart, and I know you will be an incredible mom.”