A Changed Life Read online

  “Nicolette, sweetheart, are you there? You don’t have to talk to me. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

  I found my voice and it wasn’t pretty. “Michael, you don’t know the first thing about love. You are a monster who preyed upon and savagely raped me. I hate you Michael. I hate you Michael. I hate you Michael!” By the third time, I was screaming into the phone, and my dad had busted through my locked door, grabbing the phone from my hand.

  “How dare you call my daughter?” The line went dead as I fell to my knees, and was shaking uncontrollably. Uncle Jack and mom came running in, and he scooped me up off the floor, holding me as I continued to shake. My dad looked lost as I was consoled by Uncle Jack. I didn’t care. I needed to feel safe, and Michael’s phone call destroyed my safety net I had found within my own home.

  “Uncle Jack, he found me. He actually called me. I’m not safe here. I have to get out of this house.”

  “Nicolette, it’s okay baby. We have you, and you are safe. We will not let that bastard ever get near you again. I promise you with every breath that I have, he will not hurt you again.” Here stood my family, and they were all huddled around me, promising to protect me.

  My tears subsided and I had three sets of worried eyes staring at me. I couldn’t even begin to process the night before, and now this morning with Michael contacting me, my head again was spinning. My father immediately phoned Detective Westphall, explaining how Michael was in contact with me this morning.

  He assured my father, this would be passed on to the prosecutor assigned to my case. Dad left to go down to the court house, while my mom and Uncle Jack stayed at home with me. My empty stomach began to rumble reminding me that I missed dinner the night before. Mom raising her eyebrows at me, smiled for the first time since my attack. It was welcomed by me and I launched myself into her arms. She led me down into the kitchen with Uncle Jack following. After having consumed three of Gracie’s delicious pancakes, bacon, and a heaping latte, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

  “You can stop staring at me, Uncle Jack. I’m not going to flip out again.”

  “We need to talk Nicolette, can you please hear me out.” Uncle Jack implored me to listen.

  I can’t believe after everything I have been through, Uncle Jack was pressuring me. Normally, I could talk to him about anything, but this? Uncle Jack, being my real father? It was just too much!

  After Michael’s phone call this morning, I was not ready to have this conversation, but he pushed anyway. Taking in a few breaths to calm myself, I looked up to Uncle Jack, who was staring back at me.

  “What do you want from me? What can I say to the two of you? Daddy explained everything to me last night. If you want to know the truth, here it is—Deep down, I had always suspected that you were my father, Uncle Jack. I thought maybe you and mom had a secret affair, and she was pawning me off as my dad’s kid instead of yours. I never wanted to explain how or why I felt this way, because it would have hurt my family. I love my dad way too much to destroy him like that, so I kept quiet and loved you both.”

  Mom was now crying. Looking at her was making me more upset, I hated to hurt her and I already regretted even opening up my mouth. Uncle Jack got up from where he was sitting, and I just put my hands up to stop him. “I can’t take any more family bonding right now. You have to give me time to process all of this. I was raped last week. I just found out about my real father. My rapist is getting arraigned this morning. I think I have a lot on my plate right now, don’t you agree?” Fighting back the tears now about to spill down my cheeks, I mutter, “Sorry” and got up to leave.

  Wiping back my tears, Could my heart break even more? The look on Uncle Jack’s face as I pushed him away was too much for me to take. I immediately regretted the way I had spoken to him. This is Uncle Jack, my hero. I love him so much and now I’m hurting him.

  Grabbing my keys and walking as quickly as I can for the front door. Mom calling out to me, “Where are you going, Nicolette? You shouldn’t even be driving.” I didn’t answer, and didn’t even bother looking back at them. I needed to keep moving and get to my car. All I wanted was to get the hell out of here, and I knew where I wanted to go, and who I wanted to see.

  I was brought into the courtroom full of spectators, and the press had taken their seats. My handcuffs were removed. I was happy and relieved to shower and wear a decent suit. I held out hope my appearance would sway the judge into granting bail today. John was in a heated discussion with the prosecutor and that jerk-off detective who interviewed me. John walked over a few minutes later, and instructed me to look at him. I wasn’t to say anything, only nod and listen. “Michael, you screwed up royally this morning by calling Nicolette. Her father reported it, and now it’s being added into this morning’s court proceedings.” I nodded at him. “What the hell were you thinking, Michael? Calling that girl just helped the prosecutor’s case. You buried yourself, and I’m not sure if I can get you out of this.”

  I clenched my jaw, and quietly told him that he would get me released today. “Do your job John, and stop whining about it. My father pays you well enough.”

  John turned away from me, and I think muttered a curse under his breath. I looked around the courtroom, and locked eyes with Mason Vanelle. If looks could kill, I would be dead right now. Court got underway, and my father patted me on the shoulder instructing me to remain calm, and pay attention. My charges were being read aloud by the judge, explaining all the counts against me.

  I was being charged with rape under the California Penal Code 261, in the first degree that included aggravated force, and violence against the alleged victim. Other charges included stalking, and various sexual misdemeanor charges. The lead prosecutor continued to explain in lengthy detail the crimes I committed against Nicolette, without revealing her name. He just kept calling her my victim. John went next to refute the charges. He concluded with his arguments, and the judge asked me to rise from my seat.

  The judge asked me how I plead to the charges that were introduced in this case against me. I took a deep breath, and I responded, “Not guilty.” The courtroom erupted with chaos and loud voices, especially a strong reaction from Mason Vanelle. I was instructed to sit down, as the judge spoke. He ordered his courtroom to quiet down, or the loud spectators would be removed from the room and barred from future entrance to these proceedings.

  John then requested bail on my behalf, explaining that I have never been in any trouble before, and I come from a prominent California family. The prosecutor quickly leaped to his feet to rebut John’s request, but the judge slammed his gavel down shutting down the two men before him.

  “I have never granted bail in a class one rape/sexual assault case. I will not begin today. Your request of bail is denied. You, Michael St. Clair will return to custody in the L.A. County Jail to await trial, unless you change your plea from now until then.”

  I placed my head in my hands, and was lifted up from my seat from a court officer. He was handcuffing my hands when I looked up to see Nicolette in the back of the room staring back at me. I was stunned that she was here. I wanted to call out to her. I had no time to react. I was led away, but not before looking back one more time at her pained face.

  I was ready to scream at the top of my lungs had Michael been granted bail. Thank god he wasn’t. I wanted him to see the pain in my eyes because of what he did to me, and know he was the reason for it. I thought I saw remorse for a brief second, but he was probably scared that he was going to jail, instead of being sorry for what he did to me. I thought I saw my father glance in my direction once, but I was sure he was concentrating on listening to the judge.

  As I drove away from the courthouse, my mind was reeling from all that I heard back in there. I was surprised my name wasn’t mentioned throughout the arraignment, but I knew eventually my identity would be revealed. I drove for endless miles until I found myself parking in front of the beach club. Why was I here? Was I a masochist for ret
urning to the scene of the crime? I had nothing to gain by being here, and all it represented now was memories of my assault from Michael, and the extreme pain that I was in.

  Not everything about this place was painful. I shared good times here with my new California friends, and was part of the fabulous circle as they called it. Alexis, Bailey, Jameson, and Sam. The best part was Simon, the boy I fell in love with. He had found his way into my heart, while I was breaking his.

  I walked down past the marina. I didn’t see Michael’s boat in the slip. Standing and staring at the very spot where the life that I had was taken from me. My mind kept returning to that night. I turned away from the marina and walked what seemed like miles down the beach. I found a hidden spot between two massive sand dunes where I sat nestled between them. As I stared out to the beautiful pacific, I was praying to the universe for a sign. A sign telling me that what happened to me will not break me, and somehow I will survive this.

  Looking at my phone every five seconds made my heart race, and I couldn’t concentrate on school. I bailed on my track meet, and the coach was so pissed off at me, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to see Nicolette, and she wasn’t returning my phone calls or texts.

  At lunch I joined the gang on the quad where they all assembled under our favorite tree. Bailey asked me first about her friend. They knew now about what happened, and were beyond worried about Nicolette. “She hasn’t called us, Simon” Alexis said.

  “I know she hasn’t,” I replied. “You have to give her some time, and when she’s ready, she’ll come back to us.”

  “What about you, Simon. How are you dealing with all of this?” Sam asked, his voice filled with concern for his friend.

  “I’m doing the best I can. Just trying to hold it together for her, and be anything Nicolette needs me to be to get her through this. I have never felt so angry than I do right now. I want to make Michael suffer for what he did to my girl. You can’t imagine what it did to me when I saw what he did to her. Nicolette was beating on him, and her body broken and torn apart by that animal. I wanted to finish what she started, but I knew I had to get her help. That’s when the police and an ambulance showed up. I had her blood on me, and I was sickened by it. My beautiful girl was hurt, and I could do nothing to help her.” Bailey lunged at me with the strongest hold around my neck, begging me to stop blaming myself for this. “Michael did this to her, not you.”

  “Simon, you can’t go through this again, Jameson chimed in. We all watched you suffer with what happened to Jennifer, and this situation with Nicolette is going to rip your heart out.”

  “It already has, don’t you all get it? What Michael did to Nicolette can never be undone. I’m only hurting because I am so in love with Nicolette. Before this happened, every time I looked into her eyes, or held her in my arms, I couldn’t imagine my future without her in it. I don’t know what to do?” I shouted at my friends. Surrendering to my hurt, I just fell down on my knees, and cried. The girls wrapped their arms around me, I tried to shove them off, but they stayed with me. I only wanted Nicolette’s arms around me, and I didn’t even know where she was.

  I calmed myself down and tried to eat something, but I couldn’t even remember my last meal. It didn’t seem like anyone else at school knew about what happened to Nicolette, or if they did, no one asked me about it. Jameson asked me if Nicolette was going to return to school, but I couldn’t answer him. For all I knew, she could have been back on a plane to Chicago as we speak.

  The rest of the day dragged on, and all I wanted to do was get on my Harley, and speed away from all the pain that plagued my mind. Final bell rang out, and I dumped my stuff in my locker where Sam was waiting for me. “Hey buddy, let’s get out of here and go somewhere.” I declined his offer, because I wanted to be alone, but not before reassuring him that I wasn’t going to do anything stupid. I just needed to clear my head, and riding my Harley would do just that.

  My heart stopped when I saw her car. Nicolette was here somewhere on this beach. I parked my bike, and started to look for her. I checked the club and the marina, but I couldn’t imagine why she would be there, but I had to check anyway. I began jogging up and down the beach until I saw a flash of pink through the sand dunes. I thought it had to be Nicolette. As I slowly made my way up the hill, and sure enough it was my angel, asleep between the dunes. I just blinked back tears, and tucked the stray hairs behind her ear that had fallen over her cheek.

  I didn’t want to scare her, so I just tried to be as quiet as I could until she woke on her own. I kept my distance and waited for Nicolette to wake. She finally stirred after 15 minutes after my arrival, and she opened her eyes to see me watching her. Nicolette blinked a few times getting acclimated to her surroundings, and then she asked how I found her.

  I asked her, “Don’t you know? I will always find you, because I love you. Your heart is connected with mine.”

  One lone tear streamed her beautiful rosy cheek, and I just wanted to wipe it away. I needed her permission to touch her, and she gave it to me with her beautiful eyes. I ran my thumb across her tear, and now many more tears trickled down. I asked her if I could hold her. She hesitated at first, and then let me. I pulled her onto my lap wrapping my arms around her, and she just nestled into her usual spot. If I was certain of anything, I knew she belonged right here with me. I was never going to let her go again.

  “Simon, we have to talk.” I shook my head at her. There would be no heavy talks today. I just wanted to hold her and needed this as much as she did. She tried to move, but I held on until she asked again. I didn’t want to scare her, so I released her from my arms.

  I tried with all my heart to be gentle with what I was about to say to Simon. He never turned his eyes away from me. “I can’t see you any more Simon.” I struggled to say the words to him without falling apart.

  “No! Nicolette, I will not let you go. You can’t just walk into my life, and walk out without me trying to fight for you. I love you too much.”

  “I have no choice Simon. I can’t and won’t hurt you any more than I already have. I have brought you nothing but hurt and pain…maybe even worse than Jennifer ever did, and you are too good of a person to be with someone like me.”

  Simon stood up, and ran his hands through his mane of gorgeous hair. He wouldn’t listen to any more of my pleas to him. He counted to ten and turned to face me.

  “Nicolette, I love you. You are not going to break up with me, because I won’t let you. How could you say that you have caused me hurt and pain? I came alive the day we met, and my heart has been singing ever since. Please look at me Nicolette. Trust what you see in my eyes, and feel it in your heart. I know you love me. Nothing can stop the beat of your heart when I touch you. I feel everything you feel, and I know you believe this too.” He cried out.

  “You don’t have a choice, Simon, and you can’t change my mind. I am letting you go, and it is the only way I can save you from this pain I have caused you.”

  “Have you heard a word I have said to you, Nicolette? You will only cause me pain if you walk away from me. Please Nicolette do.not.do.this. I’m begging you to trust me, and my feelings for you.”

  “It won’t work Simon. I’m too damaged to be with you.”

  “No you are not!” Shouted Simon, as he grabbed me by my arms. Simon was holding onto me, as if at any moment, I would disappear. “Nicolette, you have been through a traumatizing act of violence, and you need time to heal and recover. I can’t imagine how you are feeling; I can only speak for me. I know for certain that I love you, and my feelings for you have not and will never change.”

  Simon begged me to believe him. He asked me why I was blaming myself and I couldn’t answer him. I just felt guilty, and I feel I have disappointed everyone in my life. Simon promised he would never leave me, and he loved me. No matter what happens, he vowed to stand by my side. He begged me to trust him. Deep down, I did. All I had to do was get lost in his eyes and I was easily broken down. I simply a
nswered “okay.”

  He held me in his arms until the sun had set. Simon left his bike at the club and drove me home in my car. I was exhausted, and I don’t even remember falling asleep. Simon carried me into my home, and brought me up to my room. He placed me onto my bed and took my shoes off. I opened my eyes and he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my cheek.

  “I love you Nicolette. Please don’t give up on us. Stay with me, and trust your heart in my hands.” Simon kissed me on my lips. I didn’t pull away from him, because I did trust him with my heart and wanted to make sure he knew how much.

  Simon explained to my parents and Uncle Jack that he found me at the beach, and stayed with me until bringing me home. My parents didn’t know where I was after I had left this morning. They thanked Simon for taking care of me. Simon told them he wasn’t going anywhere. I was his life and he was a part of mine. If they didn’t know this already, Simon reminded them.

  I didn’t know what time it was until I looked over at my phone. It read three am, and I was wide awake and hungry. I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, and was startled to find my dad at the breakfast bar. I screamed “Oh my god!” He turned on the bright light, and reached for me. I stepped back telling him that he scared me, and my dad apologized. He thought he was alone. I just didn’t think anyone would be up at this hour and sitting alone in the dark. I made myself a sandwich, and poured myself a glass of milk, and joining my father. We ate in silence until he asked me if we could talk.

  “Where were you yesterday, Nicolette?”

  “You already know. I know you saw me at the court house.”