A Changed Life Read online

  “Why were you there, Nicolette? Of all places to be, what was going through your mind when you made the decision to go to Michael’s arraignment?”

  I shrugged my shoulders because I didn’t know myself. “Daddy, I can’t answer your question, because I don’t know. After hearing Michael’s voice, something in me snapped. I had argued with mom and Uncle Jack. I had to clear my head, and I found myself hiding in the back of the courtroom and listened as Michael plead his innocence. I heard everything and then Michael had seen me.”

  “I knew I saw you standing there. My heart felt like it was going to explode right out of my chest. I was terrified that the media would figure out who you were. Nicolette, you took a huge chance by going to the court house. Then I came home and only to learn that you were not home. We didn’t know where you were for hours, Nicolette. How could you put us through that?”

  “Daddy, you’re not seriously turning this around on me, are you? I walked out to think and clear my head. I’m sorry for worrying you and mom. I felt like I was drowning from the mountain of shit piling on top of me. Uncle Jack wanted to talk to me about everything, I felt like he was pressuring me, and mom was backing him up. Daddy, I had no choice. It was either leave or stay and argue with them. I swear to you, I just wanted to take a ride. I had no way of knowing that I would end up at the court house.”

  I told my dad everything about Simon, and how I felt about him. I tried my hardest to push him away, but Simon wouldn’t hear of it. My dad knew that Simon loved me, and how he vowed not to come between us, and respect what we had together. By holding my father’s hands in mine, I wanted to send a clear message to him on how I truly felt.

  “Daddy, you are my only father in this world. My feelings for you have not and will never change. Finding out about Uncle Jack doesn’t have to change us. I love you more because you are you, and I am so lucky to call you dad, my only dad.”

  “Thank you honey, you don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

  As much as I loved Uncle Jack, my father Mason was the one that stayed up with me when I was sick, patched up my skinned knees, and let me beat him at chess. I felt truly blessed to have these two men in my life. I was going to try to not push them away, and just continue to embrace their love like I always had. I hugged my father with all the emotions I had been holding back from him since my attack. Dad needed to believe that I wasn’t blaming him and be sure how much I loved him. He tried holding back his tears, but his emotions got the better of him. I had no more tears to shed, so I just let him cry, and lean on my shoulder for once. The roles were reversed, and I had to remain strong for him.

  I collapsed onto my bed and plugged in my headphones listening to a playlist that Simon had made for me. It was titled, “Nicolette’s way through my heart” and I just smiled as the beautiful music just enveloped me into peace.

  My alarm buzzed again, alerting me that it was time to get ready for school. I hit the off button, and padded my way into the bathroom to shower, and get ready for school. The decision to go to school came to me easily after I thought of Simon and my friends. I have been home recovering for weeks now, and my day to day consisted of therapy and hiding in my room. Simon had been amazing throughout it all. We talked every day and he even convinced me to go on a motorcycle ride with him. Not knowing if I could ever be the person I was before my attack, it was time to reclaim my life, whatever it may be.

  My therapy sessions were going as well as can be expected. I liked the women in my support group. They welcomed me in and I was thankful for their support they had shown me. My parents along with Uncle Jack, who was still staying with us, respected my privacy in regards to my therapy. They never pushed for too much information because it was private, and I wasn’t ready to share my feelings with them. I made my way downstairs, and all eyes including Gracie were upon me.

  “Where are you going?” My mom asked me. I simply replied, “School.” She looked like she just swallowed a canary. I had completed all my work that I had missed. Communicating through e-mails made it easy for me to stay on track. Surprisingly, my grades were intact, and I held my A average. My teachers were terrific and supportive. Since they knew what happened to me, they gave me the time to make up my assignments when I was ready to do so. All I had was time on my hands, so the nights when I couldn’t sleep, I would do my homework.

  Dad wanted to make sure I was ready to go back to school. I told my parents it was time. He offered me a ride, but I declined. I loved driving my convertible, and this was step one on reclaiming my life, and returning to my normal routine.

  Uncle Jack didn’t make a move toward me. He had been distant with me since our fight, and gave me my space. I asked him to walk me to my car, and he didn’t hesitate. I put my backpack in my car, and I turned to face him. He looked so tired, and I knew he was missing my Aunt Sara.

  “Uncle Jack, thank you so much for being out here with me. I’m sorry you have to be separated from Aunt Sara and your home. I love you for supporting me, even when I pushed you away.” He told me that Aunt Sara understood why he had to be with me. I still felt sad for Uncle Jack. They were a team and rarely ever apart.

  Like I reassured my father, it was time to tell Uncle Jack that I held no ill will against him, and for the pact that they made to not tell me the truth. I love him with all my heart and soul, and that would never change for me. He would always be my godfather, and uncle.

  I would always view him in that way, no matter what D.N.A. ran through my blood. I hugged him and told him that I would see him later. Uncle Jack looked much better after our talk.

  I stopped at the Juice Bar before making my way to school. I had lost five pounds since my attack, and I was craving a double chocolate latte and their muffins. I finished my breakfast and parked my car in its usual spot. I gathered my things, and made my way through the crowded parking lot. Bailey had noticed me first. She screeched at the top of her lungs, calling out my name as she ran over to me almost knocking me over where I stood. She hugged me with such force that my neck hurt. I calmed her when she started to cry, and I let her get it out because this was the first time my friend had seen me in a long while. I had no communication with any of them, except Simon. I felt guilty for that, but again, I needed time to try to heal.

  Bailey finally released me, and without her asking me I told her I was okay. Vowing to take one day at a time…which appeased her. Then the rest of our group huddled around me. I was passed around for hugs; the only one that was missing was Simon.

  Jameson was glassy eyed, so I shoved him back, and said, “If you don’t stop crying, I will never shop with you again.” He stopped right away, and then Sam just shook his head. I asked where Simon was. Sam said he was running the track since the coach had been pissed that he missed some of his meets, and that he was being excused from his morning classes to train. Simon had a big meet coming up on Saturday, and needed to get some practice in. After all, he was the star of the team. I had some time before my first class. I could be late since no one knew I was even showing up today. I made my way to the field where Simon was running and leaping hurdles.

  I didn’t want to disturb him, so I stayed high in the stands where he wouldn’t see me. I did notice some cheerleaders making their presence known, but he never gave them a second look. I guess they figured with the girlfriend out of the picture, it was time to pounce.

  After witnessing their attempts to get his attention, I made my way down to show them that Simon very much still had a girlfriend. Those girls were so shallow and fake; they greeted me with their pleasantries, and huffed away when I said he was taken. Simon saw me as he made his way around the final turn. His smile lit up, and he made a dash right for me.

  Simon leaped over the fence and scooped me up, placing me over his shoulders, and spinning me around. I was laughing my ass off, but also getting dizzy.

  He finally put me down and smiled at me. “Oh my god, Nicolette. What a surprise! How are you here?” He asked me.r />
  “It’s time to get my life back, and school was the best place to start.”

  Simon couldn’t have been happier. He leaned in to kiss me, but asked for permission first. My heart always said yes to him, as well as my eyes when he looked into them. Simon’s kisses were always phenomenal, but now they were even more gentle, and guarded. He didn’t want to push me, and I was thankful for his patience and understanding.

  “I just wanted to watch your practice, not halt it altogether.” He laughed.

  “Don’t worry about it baby, I was done anyway. I am so happy to see you.”

  “Well that’s great Simon, but I don’t think Coach Johnson is exactly happy with me right now. Don’t turn around, but he is coming this way.”

  Simon didn’t want me to witness the coach’s tirade, so he asked me if he could catch up with me at lunch. Of course I said yes, and quickly headed back to the quad. Simon indeed took a tongue lashing from his coach. He was just caught hanging out with his girlfriend, instead of working out as promised. All Coach Johnson cared about was a win this Saturday, so Simon calmed him down, and explained what he walked in on. His coach didn’t know what happened to me, and Simon didn’t bring him up to speed since it wasn’t his business. Simon did make it clear that he understood his obligations to his teammates, and was just asking for some patience from his coach. Simon assured his coach that what he was going through personally would not affect his role as captain.

  Simon said he would gladly step down as captain if Coach Johnson couldn’t bend a little, but he would have none of that, and just dropped it. My teachers all greeted me with the same surprised reaction my friends did. They were all happy I was back in school, and I was too.

  School flew by today, and I didn’t have much homework since I had finished most of it during study hall. I wasn’t medically cleared yet to participate in gym class, so I had time to work on my assignments. Simon’s bike was in the shop, so he drove in with Sam. I was happy to give him a ride home when he asked me.

  On our way through town, Simon asked me to pull over by the botanical gardens. It housed a gigantic fountain. Some say it was magical, and all wishes were granted. I laughed the first time Simon brought me here, and told me the legendary story behind it.

  He ran over to the fountain and threw in a coin. He stayed there for a few minutes, and returned back to my car. “What was that all about” I asked him.

  “Just backing up a wish I had made a while ago.” Simon gave me the sexiest wink, and kissed me. He was so adorable when he was happy.

  I had called my mom to let her know I was with Simon, and not to worry about me. Mom was happy I was safe. Simon and I picked up some take-out from the Juice Bar, and just talked while we ate our food. I brought him up to speed with everything involving my Uncle Jack and my parents, he was incredibly supportive.

  I think he even questioned my sanity at one point, and why I wasn’t freaking out about the new dynamics of my family. I explained that I always felt Uncle Jack could be my dad, and why I thought that. Simon laughed and then got serious again, when I glared at him. I didn’t feel anything had to change with knowing this new information regarding my D.N.A., so we all needed to move on and continue to be a family.

  We were having a fabulous time, easily talking with each other, and sharing so much. I wasn’t sure if this was the right time to bring up a highly sensitive topic, but I had to try. I hadn’t even discussed this with my parents yet, only Dr. Jonas. I asked Simon to hear me out, and let me get through what I needed to say to him before he responded. He sat up, and I knew I had his full attention.

  “Simon, there is a strong possibility that I may be pregnant. Michael didn’t use protection when he raped me.” I let out my breath, and waited for Simon’s reaction.

  Simon’s beautiful smile vanished, and his face went ashen. I knew if I ever was going to lose him, this revelation could do it. It didn’t happen the way I predicted in my head. Simon just wrapped his strong arms around me. “No matter what, Nicolette, we will always work out whatever life presents to us. All you need to do is trust me, and believe I will take care of you.”

  As he held me in his arms, I have never felt more secure in my whole life than at this moment. I trusted Simon’s feelings for me. I trusted that if I gave him my heart, my whole heart, he would never break it, and this I knew to be true.

  Walking me to my front door, our hands were linked together. Happy I was with Simon, and forgetting for a short while all that has happened to me in the past few weeks. Saying goodbye never gets easier, especially after the last few hours I have spent with Simon. Choking back a few tears, I looked up into his beautiful eyes. “I love you Simon.”

  “I love you too, so much. Now in you go, and my voice will be the last you hear before you go to sleep tonight.”

  When I walked through my front door, I wasn’t sure if I was in the right house. It sure looked different from the time I left this morning. My home was transformed into a Christmas scene from Disneyland. One of the places I wanted to visit, and still haven’t had a chance to yet. Disneyland came to me, and it’s in my living room.

  Scanning the room and taking in the beautiful lights and decorations, I held my hands together and clapped like a little girl. “What have you done?” I asked my parents and Uncle Jack, who were all smiling back at me. My dad looked like he was going to combust, he was so happy. Mom spoke first and explained to me since our family had missed our first Christmas here in California, we would celebrate today. They got the idea after I made my decision by returning to school. This was my family trying to make me feel better. My heart was bursting with love for all of them.

  I blinked back tears while mom embraced me. I thanked them for their beautiful surprise. How could I not love it? We sat in front of the fireplace, as Uncle Jack prepared some s’mores for dessert. All that was missing that would make this night complete was Aunt Sara. I didn’t know until now how much I missed her.

  I almost wanted to mark today as a Vanelle national holiday. It was perfect, and I couldn’t thank my family enough for what they did for me. Dad promised me when we can put Michael behind us, we will all go to the real Disney Land, and celebrate. I tried to remain optimistic that things would work out.

  I finally said good night to my family, and made my way upstairs. I was exhausted, but in a good way. I couldn’t have asked for a better day with my friends and family. I quickly changed and got ready for bed, waiting for Simon to call. I checked my computer for e-mails, etc. I was horrified to see news alerts on my Google page about me. I scanned link after link finding news about my attack all over the internet. I felt sick to my stomach. I put my hand over my mouth, but I couldn’t stop it. I leaped off my bed, and just made it in time to turn my stomach inside out. My mom heard me and ran in to check on me. After seeing what was on my computer, she knew this was why I was so sick.

  “Mom, I can’t believe it, how is it all over the news and internet? I thought we had a gag order? I cried out. My name has been released! Oh my god, everyone is going to know what Michael did to me.”

  I started to hyperventilate, and my mom not knowing what to do, called out for my father. Dad had seen me have an anxiety attack before; this was my worse one yet. I started to shake and my stomach was doing flips. Dad wasting no time scooped me up to bring me to the hospital, and calling out for Uncle Jack to follow. Dr. Jonas was on call tonight. I was taken in immediately and examined by her. I was put on an IV drip, and given something to calm my nausea. I was left to rest, while my doctor talked with my family. “What’s going on with our daughter? I would have thought her vomiting would have stopped by now.” My mom nervously questioned Dr. Jonas.

  “Nicolette is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Seeing the news reports tonight may have been the trigger for her anxiety attack. I have never seen anyone of my patient’s handle their situation in the manner Nicolette has. She is truly the exception. Today she took a huge step by going to school, and in
teracting with her family and friends. I am in awe of her progress. I only hope her reaction to the news report doesn’t set her back. I would like to keep her overnight for observation, and she can go home in the morning.”

  “Could she be pregnant Dr. Jonas?” Uncle Jack questioned.

  “Yes, it’s a possibility sir. I have discussed this with Nicolette, and we were waiting for the right time to test her.”

  “There’s no reason to put it off any longer. Please run the tests on Nicolette.” Mom instructed Dr. Jonas.

  “Before I do anything Mrs. Vanelle, I will have to talk with Nicolette, and get her consent to run the tests. Then after she agrees, I will have my nurse draw Nicolette’s blood right away. I’ll put a rush on the tests, and we should know the results soon.”

  “This can’t be happening. Why is this happening to Nicolette? Mason, this is not how it was supposed to be for our daughter. I feel powerless, and everything we seem to do for her to make her feel better gets destroyed with one news report.” Dad and Uncle Jack were silent, and let my mom vent her frustrations and anger. Mom walked away from the two men and ignored their calls, when the asked her where she was going. My family was holding on by a thread worrying about me.

  Dad had called Simon to tell him what happened. Simon was frantic, and wanted to join me right away at the hospital. Dad managed to convince him to stay home with his family and promised Simon, he could see me first thing in the morning. Simon didn’t argue, and agreed.

  I woke up to see Uncle Jack holding my hand. “Hey Nickel, how are you feeling honey?” I loved it when he called me by my childhood nickname. “I’m ok, Uncle Jack. Please don’t cry for me, because I am so sick of everyone crying. It’s too painful to watch, and knowing it’s me who is responsible for all of your heartache.”

  “Nickel, that’s not true. Please don’t blame yourself for this. For weeks now that’s all you have done. Don’t you see none of this is your fault? Please stop worrying about us, and put yourself first for once. As for the crying, we cry because we love you so much. It’s in the handbook and we can’t change the rules now.” I laughed at his joke. He was trying so hard to make me feel better, and I knew the harsh reality was that I was pregnant. I could feel it, somehow. My period was late, and as much as I tried to block it out and remain positive, I knew what the tests results would show.