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  “Are you ready now?” my mom said to me from my doorway. “I brought you a plate; thought you might be hungry. When you are ready, I’ll be downstairs.”

  After I heard my mother’s voice, I knew I was so screwed. I shut my eyes as tight as I could and gnashed my teeth together because I knew I could not lie to her. Am I ready? Yeah right!

  I left my mom in the dark, out of major parts of my life she should have been a part of. I wouldn’t know where to begin, but I guess unloading some of my truth wouldn’t hurt…or would it?

  Why was I so confused about Carter, the sexy, debonair man who shined his pearly whites each night on primetime news? He had been pushing me to set a date for our wedding, and he didn’t make it a secret about starting a family right away. God, I felt sick. I had a man who loved me beyond reason and was ready to give me the world, and here I was, thousands of miles away from him, obsessing about a past that I walked away from. I made that choice, no one else did. I was no different from any young girl who had hopes and dreams, although most of mine were of being with Nick. I was supposed to have all those things with him, according to my mom and all of our friends.

  I paced my old bedroom and nearly shouted out in frustration, “What the hell is wrong with me? Stop lying to yourself, Thea! It wasn’t your pride that made you walk away from Nick; it ran so much deeper than that. You wanted more for your life, and it wasn’t here with Nick and in this neighborhood!”

  I looked at myself in the mirror and ran my finger over my bottom lip. I still felt Nick’s kiss. When his mouth connected with mine, I wanted more from him, for him to touch me and make me forget for just one second all the mistakes I made. I hated myself for allowing him to do that to me. I had a fiancé waiting for me at home—well, not officially—but Carter had asked me to get used to the idea, so we nixed calling him “boyfriend.”

  This was a mistake coming here. I yelled at Carter and hung up on him, which I knew he hated. By kissing Nick, I may have put my relationship in jeopardy and risked my future happiness, and for what? For decisions that I made when I was 21 years old? And I still had to explain it all to my mother.

  I took a shower to clear my head and ate the sandwich my mom brought home for me, including Mrs. Santos’ homemade potato salad. It was so good, I devoured my dish in four bites.

  Before talking with my mom, I stared down at my suitcase that I had yet to unpack. Should I just talk with her and then fly back to Los Angeles tomorrow? I knew it would make Carter happy, but it would hurt mom and I hadn’t even called anyone here who would like to see me. It was time to face the music even though it made my stomach sick.

  “Mom,” I called out.

  “In the kitchen,” she answered.

  Mom was on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. Why did she still do this? She would never break down and buy a mop and join the modern world; crawling on her knees truly got the kitchen floor clean. Yeah, I heard that about a thousand times growing up. I always used to borrow Mrs. Santos’ mop when it was chore day. She was cool about it and never told my mom, but knowing her superpowers, mom was probably on to me and re-cleaned the floor after I went to bed.

  “Mom, please for the love of God, buy a mop. You should not be on the floor. This manner you clean in is not good for your knees and your back!”

  By the time I was finished begging her to buy a common household item, she was done and easily got up from the floor. She removed her rubber gloves and dumped the dirty water in the utility sink that we had away from the kitchen. She brushed her hair back, and I swear this woman worked her magic and you wouldn’t have known she was just scrubbing the floor.

  She said, “Sit down, Thea. It’s time we have a talk.”

  “Mama, if you allow me to talk first, that would be great.”

  “I don’t think so. Now sit.”

  It wasn’t a request. I sat with my shoulders back, showing her she had my attention, but I still felt like a child about to be scolded. In a way, I was and deserved it.

  “Thea, there are a lot of things that I shouldn’t be doing, but I do it for the greater good. Take this floor for instance. It’s a good floor, made with a sturdy reliable tile. With anything good and worthy, it also requires attention and care, so that is why I break my back cleaning it. I like how it looks when it’s done, and my kitchen always looks better. Now, back to you. You are like the floor. I see the goodness in you, the reliability in knowing if I called you for anything, you would be someone I could count on. Do you get what I’m saying to you?”

  “I don’t know, mama. This is a first, being compared to a strong surface like a floor.”

  “Don’t be sassy with me, girl, and you know what the hell I am referring to. Thea, just because I am old school, it doesn’t mean that I am stupid. I know my daughter has kept me at arm’s length since you left Nick and New York, but I have always been here for you, no matter what. So with all the love and care I have given you since the day you were born, will you have the decency to tell me what the hell is going on with your life? You can begin with your fiancé back in Los Angeles.”

  “How do you know about Carter?”

  “So it is true.”

  “Yes, to the outside world I am engaged to Carter Newbanks, but I haven’t consented to him yet. He desperately wants my answer. May I ask how you knew?”

  “I didn’t exactly know until you just confirmed it, but here in People magazine, you sure do look quite cozy at the Emmy awards. How long?”

  “Are you asking me how long we have been engaged or how long we have been together?”

  “Both.”

  “Mom, please know I was not deliberately keeping him from you, although he believes otherwise. Carter and I met when he came on board with ABC four years ago. I couldn’t stand him at first. He was so pompous and above anyone’s station, and the mini entourage that followed him around was just ridiculous. When I made producer, it was the greatest moment of my career, and then Carter was set to replace the retiring anchor. Our boss called us his ‘dream team’ although he got under my skin like no one ever had before.”

  I continued, “Slowly over time, my feelings of hate turned to toleration, and then one night my car broke down on the Pacific Coast Highway, and he became my hero when he tossed off his Armani suit jacket and changed my flat tire. I was so taken back that he would dare to ruin his perfect manicure, but there he was on the ground, completely ruining the rest of his suit just to help me out.”

  “He sounds chivalrous.”

  “Let’s not give him too much credit. He was kind enough to help me out and wanted a date in return. I said no, and then he was relentless until I said yes.”

  He said to me, “You beautiful creature, please do me the honor of accepting my dinner invitation. Come on, I did ruin my favorite suit, after all.”

  “And you have ten more just like this one hanging up in your closet. Am I wrong?”

  “No, you are not, but still, it was my favorite. Now, back to dining with me this evening. I will pick you up at 6:30, so be ready, beautiful.”

  “I never said yes to you, you ego maniac.”

  “You will, Thea. If anything, you are at least curious, and that alone will have me on your doorstep tonight promptly at 6:30.”

  “He sounds charming and quite different from…”

  “Nick? Yes, mom, he is very different from Nick and every guy I have ever known. He’s the real deal. He has the talent, is easy on the eyes, comes from old money, has made a lot on his own, and for the life of me, he wants to marry me. And I can’t set a date.”

  “Tell me, why? And if you say because of Nick, I will slap you hard.”

  “Mom, Nick may be part of it, but it’s also me. I have done everything right in my professional life, but my personal life is a mess. I feel like all I do is disappoint you. I hurt you by not coming home more often than I should, and you won’t visit me because you hate to fly. I have only kept in touch with Trudie over the years and pretty much let the
neighborhood fade away after I left. Sure, when I visit, everyone is kind and welcoming, but something is just missing in my life, and I really don’t know what it is that will fill it and make me whole.”

  “You know, Thea, 9/11 broke you, and it did for many, but baby, it’s been fifteen years. It is time to allow some of that pain and loss to fall away. I am not asking you to forget. I don’t believe anyone really can. That day is a part of us, it is deep within our pores, and no matter how many hot showers we take to wash away the day, it still remains. Even if daddy had survived and made it out of those towers, I still believe as an American and a proud New Yorker, 9/11 would remain with us. Maybe not in such an emotional way, but still in some way that makes us never forget. Do you understand, honey?”

  “I do, mama, but the truth remains that we did lose daddy, Nick lost his dad, and so many more lost loved ones too.”

  “Thea, I’m not sure what happened with you and Nick at the luncheon today, but if you are ever to be happy in your present life, you need to find some closure to your past once and for all. I can see all the conflict radiating off you; you might as well be shining a bright light on your person. Fix what’s broken, and then we will talk again about Carter.”

  “Mom, how do you know I saw Nick at the luncheon today?”

  “I didn’t until you just told me. Haven’t you figured out by now that you just make it so easy for me?”

  “I am beginning to. I love you, mom.”

  “I love you more, baby. Now get some rest, and I will see you in the morning for breakfast.”

  “I get the message. I will be here.”

  She kissed me upon my head and left me to my thoughts. Damn, I wanted to hide under a rock, but with mom’s superpowers and Carter incessantly blowing up my phone, I really didn’t think sleep was in my future.

  It was midnight here, so I knew with the time difference he would be up waiting for my call, something Carter Newbanks was not used to doing. As I pondered on my future with Carter, I thought back to our first date…

  As I looked in my floor length mirror to give myself one final look over, I shrugged my shoulders and whispered, “Not bad, Thea.”

  I selected a semi-formal cocktail dress to wear, not knowing where Carter was taking me. Knowing him, he probably would be most comfortable at a country club, so this outfit was perfect.

  Sure enough, my intercom buzzed exactly at 6:30. I told him to come up, and in a flash, he was at my door. I took a deep breath and one quick pep talk later, I opened the door to find “Rebel without a Cause” standing on the other side of it. Holy shit! He looked hot, all black leather from head to toes that were covered in Harley Davidson boots. His amused eyes were practically laughing as he looked at me and what I was wearing.

  “Oh, Thea, this will not do at all, not for what I have planned for this evening.”

  “You think? I wish you would have given me a clue to what this evening would entail, and then I would have dressed appropriately. Now I have to change.”

  He gave me a full-on belly laugh, and even then I could not stay angry with him. He was just so good looking, and I was always a sucker for leather.

  “Please come in and have a seat. I don’t have all that you are wearing but will jeans and a leather jacket suffice?”

  “That would be fine, or you could just hike up that sexy dress and we can be on our way.”

  “I would rather change; won’t be a minute.”

  My hand went to my chest, calming down the anxiety attack that was sure to come on from being this close to him and his intoxicating smell. He certainly did not look like the uptight news anchor with a silver spoon in his mouth that I had always pegged him for. I should not be so quick to make rash judgments about people, even Carter. My parents raised me better than that. I quickly changed into jeans, a tank top, and it so happens I did have a black leather bomber jacket hanging in my closet.

  I walked out, and Carter was casually making himself at home, looking at my photos displayed on the mantle. I cleared my throat, and then he slowly turned around. His cerulean eyes found mine, and they told a story behind them.

  He said, “You look good enough to eat, and depending how our evening goes, I may just do that. Ready?”

  “Ready for anything, but don’t count on that other thing happening.”

  “Never say never, Thea. The night is young, and you look fucking hot.”

  Wow, the prince actually knew the F word too! He dressed like a rebel, and maybe he would show me more of his rebellious side too.

  A Harley Davidson motorcycle was parked in front of my building. It was gorgeous, all chrome and silver, one hot machine. And it was Carter’s, so I wasn’t sure which was more shocking: his choice of wardrobe tonight or his choice of transportation.

  “Shall we go, or do you want to continue to stare at my bike?” he asked.

  “Carter, I get it. You are going for some kind of shock value with the clothes, the motorcycle, and whatever you have planned for tonight, but you can stop now. Where’s your car?”

  “Thea, I can assure you that I am the owner of this Harley. This bike is just one of my treasures that I was fortunate enough to purchase and I usually don’t share, so please do me the honor of being my first passenger. I promise you that I know how to ride, and it’s just another thing I do very well.”

  “Fine! But you better not be messing with me.”

  I climbed onto the back of the bike, and I was close enough to smell his delicious scent again, and then I felt a dull ache down between my legs. Damn, it had been way too long since I was this close to a man.

  “Wrap your arms around my waist, and lean your body in as I take the winding turns. And Thea…?”

  The way he said my name made me want to just fuck him right here on his bike, but I would not be that obvious for Carter. He was pompous enough and didn’t need me confirming what he probably already knew.

  “Yes, Carter?” I answered him back.

  “Two things: just to be clear on my intentions where you are concerned…this is not just a date for me. Look at it as a new beginning, one that I feel we both need. And two…driving this Harley is not the only thing that I do well.”

  Dreams of Thea and that kiss we shared at the luncheon occupied my unsettled mind throughout the night. She made her way back in with just her presence, and I knew I shouldn’t have kissed her, let alone let my guard down to touch her. I tossed and turned until I finally was so frustrated that I needed to go for a run to clear my head.

  She could have been married for all I knew, or at least was dating someone by now. I didn’t tell my mother everything, and I had to imagine she kept her mother on a pretty short leash with information. She was good at keeping secrets, but so was I. Thea had been out in California for a long time. She built a new life and a thriving career for herself out there. It was fast-paced and demanding from what I heard, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t caught a few of the award-winning news segments she produced.

  I nearly lost my breath when she flashed across my big screen on the night of the Primetime Emmy’s. She was being interviewed on what looked like a red carpet. A series she produced on underage drinking was nominated for an award. I remember Frannie telling me about it and how proud she was of her daughter. She was stunning in a strapless black gown and heels that skyrocketed her sexy body. My dick was hard just remembering how I felt when my eyes were glued to the television screen. Then the camera panned away from her, and that was the last time I had seen her, up until the luncheon yesterday.

  I rounded the corner of our neighborhood, and her house came into view. Her mother kept the property in a pristine manner. Shit! Speaking of moms, my own mother was about to leave for a cruise with a total stranger that I had never met. I had to get my shit together before shift, or I was really going to lose it. Before I was seen, I ran past her home and kept on running toward mine. By the time I walked through the door, my mom was up and preparing breakfast for me. I’d forgotten
how much I missed her delicious cooking.

  “Morning, ma.”

  I walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, not wanting to get too close because I was dripping with sweat from my ten mile run. I loved to run, and it was a great way to keep in shape. I would hit the weights later once I got down to the firehouse.

  “This food smells great. Do I have time to grab a shower?”

  “Good morning, Nick. This will be ready in a few. Go upstairs and clean up, and I’ll have everything plated and ready when you come down.”

  She looked so happy and at home here in her old kitchen, even though I completely gutted and renovated it with new cabinets, countertops, and appliances. A fabulous cook can cook anywhere, I guess.

  “Thanks, I won’t be too long.”

  I stripped down as I made my way up to my bathroom and turned the shower on. All I kept replaying in my mind was that kiss I took from Thea. I didn’t give her any room to push me away, and she didn’t. I felt her body come undone as she was in my arms, but that could have just been my imagination fucking with my mind.

  “Nick, breakfast is going to get cold if you don’t get your butt down here.”

  “Coming, mom,” I called back to her.

  I looked at the tired reflection staring back at me, and I whispered, “Get your shit together, Bartelli. Thea was your old life.”

  After breakfast, I said to my mother, “Mom, this was delicious. Thank you again for cooking and cleaning up. Do you really have to go?”

  “You know I do, son, but I will never be too far away. I love you so very much. You are everything your father and I hoped you would be and so much more. Just look at you. As I look around this house—your home now—it feels so different with all the changes you have made, but I still feel your father’s presence here. It gives me comfort and also strength that you are okay, and I am too. We all are, Nick. It just took some of us a little longer to get to this place where you get more than a couple of hours of sleep and maybe even smile without trying.”